Page 113 - Real English 2024 Book 8

THE PIPE-LIGHTER

ERNEST: But I was in the 2nd XI cricket team,
and did a lot of swimming for the School.

FATHER: Well, well, that was something in your
favour. All the same, I don’t pay a lot of
money for you to learn nothing but games.
It’s work that counts every time, and don’t

you forget it. Now, let’s see the report, if
you haven’t lost it.
ERNEST: Oh, no, Dad. Here it is. [Produces
envelope from inside coat-pocket.]

FATHER: H’m. Not too clean. However –
[Cuts envelope with pocket knife, takes out
report, unfolds it, and begins to read aloud.]
‘Scripture – making steady progress. C.R.’ Who’s C.R.?

ERNEST: Mr Read. He takes us for Scripture and Maths.
FATHER: H’m. A queer combination. And yet I don’t know. I suppose
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there’s a certain amount of Arithmetic in the Bible and Prayer

Book. ‘English Composition – shows originality.’ That might
mean anything. ‘Grammar – good, careful work; Reading – good;
Writing – very fair; Spelling – improving.’ Thank heaven for
that. The letters you wrote me when I was abroad were full of

mistakes. ‘History – promising; Geography – good; Civics’ –
what are they? Oh, everyday news
and politics and that
ERNEST: It’s a new subject, Dad. The Head takes us in that.
FATHER: Yes, but what’s it all about? sort of thing. The old
man sometimes calls
ERNEST: Oh, everyday news and politics and that sort of thing. The old it ‘Current Affairs’.
man sometimes calls it ‘Current Affairs’.

FATHER: Does he? It seems to me you can get all that from the
newspaper. However, he says here you take an intelligent interest,
so I suppose we must be thankful for small mercies. What’s next?
Oh, ‘Latin’. Not much use for it myself. Nor have you, it seems.
‘Only fair,’ your report says.

ERNEST: But –
FATHER: No need to apologize. It’s a dead language, anyhow. No
commercial value whatever. Cut it out.
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ERNEST: I can’t till I’m in the Fifth. 2. strange; unusual
FATHER: Pity. You might be doing something more useful. Still, 3. value that makes something
I recognize the school must provide for all tastes. What’s this saleable

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